Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
