Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
