got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
