Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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