her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i love accidental penises.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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