So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
