Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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