: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize