dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
