We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Randomize
