I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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