I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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