I wish you could order shots online.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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