you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
