I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
