In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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