I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
