How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
