yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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