So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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