dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
