no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
