What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
