youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
