I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
