dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
