ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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