duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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