We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
