Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
