Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
