If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
