Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Drunk is a universal language darling
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