he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
