Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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