her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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