i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
