i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I wear drunk well.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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