I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize