his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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