Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
