idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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