I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
