Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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