Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
