He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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