Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
