I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
