then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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