I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
