Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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