Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
