we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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