At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
