What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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