Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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