Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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