Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
