Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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