If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
