Christians are straight up FREAKS
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
