So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
