you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
