Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
