So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
