Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
