I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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