She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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