sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
