In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
