I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
