Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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