well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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