i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
