Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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