finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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