She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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