youre lurking in front of me
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize