I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
