Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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